January 16th, 2009
When a couple is having relationship problems it is hard to admit problems in the relationship. One of the hardest things is to walk into the marriage counselor’s office. It’s seems that divorce is an easier solution then to work through your problems in the relationship. Many couples forget what they loved about the person they married. It’s easier to just remember who the person uses to be then appreciating the person today. If a couple was to seek relationship counseling they may be able to prevent divorce. Often times it’s important to figure out what caused the relationship to go south. Other times you can not figure out what caused relationship issues. If a couple has children it’s even more important to try to resolve your differences, but children are not a reason to stay in an unhappy marriage. If you’re unhappy you should try counseling first before getting a divorce. If children are involved you may need to have some family counseling. Sometimes the words from a child can help the couple resolve the issues because a child sees things the parent do not see. I know myself counseling has helped me deal with many ups and downs of living with a chronic illness. If a couple seeks counseling it puts their heart and soul into it they may be able to rescue the relationship.
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Of course this all goes out the window if your partner, you find, is pathological (a destructive narcissist or sociopath)
Mine was the former. When I was diagnosed in 1995 with FM, CFIDS and CMP the subtle verbal abuse became blatant. I was blamed for EVERYTHING. I was called “lazy” and “a cow.” He told me he should leave me because I was “useless.” He’d accompany me to the doctor and be Mr. Compassionate but at home I was getting hammered and getting sicker. I was dragged out of bed to “help” him with something and berated if I passed out trying. It was no win.
I begged him to go to marriage counseling but he refused for many years, until I developed an emotional (only) relationship with someone else. Then he dragged me to someone who also blamed me for being disabled and told me that “no man likes a sick wife.” I reported this counselor but the damage was done.
Now we are estranged because he refuses to divorce me but he does pay my bills & insurance. I am doing much better without him in my life 24/7 and since I have no intention of dating or meeting anyone else it doesn’t matter to me.
Marriage counselors very often deal with the illness as a “couple’s problem” when there’s a level of coping the well partner doesn’t often care to do. I counsel abuse victims when I am well enough now and I see this far too often for marriage counseling to be a panacea.
Great blog, btw!
Chick I totally agree with you. Counseling is so important in saving or, in my case, relinquishing a relationship.
If one of the partners has emotionally left the relationship, counseling can allow the other person in the partnership the vision to reconize that it is over and walk away without regret or blame.
If it is salvageable, counseling can remind the couple of their love and devotion. And in some cases, save the relationship.
Yes, totally agree… Counseling really helps. Sometimes I believe, some people are just too ashamed to pour their hearts out or share personal details with a stranger.
With so many counseling facilities and programs available, I think it’s essential to get help when you need it. Talking it out with a professional can give both people new hope, perspective and the ability to improve their circumstances one way or the other.
I have a blog award for you here.