I wasn’t new to depression when I was diagnosed with lupus and fibromyalgia amongst other things. It was a total blow to my plans for life. The lupus totally rocked my world. My life was turned totally upside down by the daily pain I was feeling. I had lost total control of my body and  I couldn’t do  anything about it. I started to spiral out of control. My life became the disease not a part of my life. I looked in the mirror I saw lupus. I woke up I saw lupus. Lupus tore my life apart piece by piece.

It took me several years to find myself and realize that I was more than lupus. I was a human being with a condition. I had to learn to deal with all the ups and downs of lupus. It wasn’t easy, but I had to pull myself together. I’ve learned that planning ahead isn’t a guarantee of being able to do something. I’ve learn sometimes I can walk while other time I have to use my wheelchair. My days vary with my illnesses.

Dealing with the depression isn’t easy for me at all. I’ve learn that I have some control over what the depression does to me. I can tell when I’m spiraling into an abyss of depression. When I see and feel like I’m spiraling out I have to take a step back from life. I’ve learned to do things to bring about happy moments in my life. I’ve learned that sewing relaxes my mind and reading allows me to wander away from reality for a little while. Often I’ve put myself into the stories. The most valuable thing I’ve learned is to express my inner thoughts through my blog and in my many writings.

Yes, the diagnoses have turned me inside out, but I’ve learned to deal with them. I’ve had to adjust my goals in life, even if it’s not exactly what I’m waiting for in life. I try to make the best of things. The pain does overwhelm me at times, but I’ve learned that it will pass and this is what gets me past things.