Hot House Tomatoes Anyone?

Our tomatoes didn’t grow very well this year. They were mushy on the outside, but not ripe on the inside. I cannot figure out why the crop did so badly this year. It’s hard enough planting the tomatoes having a chronic illness without the tomatoes tasting like hot house. It’s something I really enjoy so it was a huge disappointment. I need to figure out what I can do to have better success with my tomatoes in the pot. I did notice a lot of spider webs on the plants all the time.  When I found them I would knock them off, but the spider didn’t quite spinning their webs. I did get bit by a spider so it made me gun shy.

Now I Lay Myself Down To Sleep

One of the hardest things to do if you have a chronic illness is to get a goods night sleep. I’ve spent many of nights wide awake instead of sleeping. Its either, I’m wide awake and my mind is going a mile a minute or I’m hurting too bad to get a wink of sleep. I’ve struggled for years over getting a new bed, but I’ve always found an excuse not to buy one. My bed use to be comfortable, but now it’s like sleeping on a bumpy blanket. The bed used to be comfortable, but not anymore. I’ve been checking out the antique style beds at time 4 sleep. One of my favorite beds is the Jessica Metal because of the decorative head board and foot board. The spiral swirls remind me of the lollipops from Disney world. One of my favorite time periods is Victorian, so this bed fits me just right. I like to look at the Victorian homes on TV and online. I would buy a memory foam mattress at the same time because I’ve heard such great things about memory foam mattresses. If it would help me not wake up feeling like I was hit by a truck in the morning, I’d love it. I would buy one of the leather beds if  I couldn’t buy the Jessica Metal bed.

of I couldn’t buy the Jessica Metal bed.

The Spirit of a Butterfly

I do believe in butterflies.
They have such a free spirit.
Traveling from one place to another.
I love the sight of them.
They help me imagine a life without lupus.
I pray to God each day to take the it away
Somedays I can see the gifts lupus gave me.
But other days I cannot see any of them.
The freedom of a butterfly is something I admire.
They are admired by many and help the world go around.
Seeing them reminds me to see the beauty of things.
The earth, the sky, the snow and the cloud.
They are all gifts from God and things I admire.

Dealing with Hair Loss From Lupus

As years have gone on my hair has thinned out a lot because of the lupus. I don’t like looking at a lot. It makes me feel old and reminds me of the many things lupus has done to me. It’s even harder that the medications I take everyday have some of the same side effects. I just can not win with the lupus, but this effect is minor compared to the many things lupus can do to your body. I think the thing angers me the most about the lupus is the lack of energy I deal with each day. I have tried to look on the bright side, but sometimes it’s easier said then done. Finding something to help re grow my hair has been difficult. I have gradually lost more of my hair because of the lupus. nioxin is one the medications you can buy to help regrow your hair. I think that anything is worth it to feel better about myself in general. Feeling better about myself is very difficult for me. I am much better then I use to be about myself, so that’s a big step in my dealing with lupus and its side dishes. I just have to find the good things about living with lupus, if their any of them.

Finding Some Inner Peace

Finding my inner peace inside me.
Its something I am searching for.
I have asked myself a lot of  questions about life.
One of the biggest questions is “Why do I have lupus”?
I proably will never have the answer for myself
I have to trust God that Lupus has its purpose.
I have asked this  question millions of time.
Nothing will ever stop me asking why I have lupus.
I have many times  missed my life without lupus.
Its not something that I like admitting to myself.
Sometimes its easier to admit defeat then fight.
I’ve decided myself that I will fight all the things that lupus has done to me.
Lupus won’t win, so I am going to continue to fight back.
So I will stomp on lupus for my life.

Are Your Resolutions Realistic?

New Years is right around the corner and its made me do a lot of thinking. Many people make New Years resolutions that are not realistic. Is it realistic to expect yourself to lose 100 lbs in one year. Usually it isn’t for most people. Why not make a going to lose 5 20 pounds and if you meet that goal say in 6 months you can always make a mid year resolution. This way if you don’t meet your resolution you won’t feel so bummed out. Its important to make your New Years resolution realistic. I have a few “resolutions”.
A few of mine are:
Write a couple a chapters for my book. (something I’ve been trying to do for a while now.) Really I want to write more, but living with this crap I need to be more realistic.
exercise some when I am able.
Learn something new.
Learn techniques to reduce pain level
Learn more about Paint shop pro.  This is the first thing I ever made with this program.

A Mixture of Updates with Life with Lupus

Today we had to take the car to have an oil change and have a couple of light bulbs replaced. Its hard to find a good mechanic that fixes cars right. I am glad that its over with because its over due. I have felt really tired lately which I think is because of my antibiotic. I will be so glad to be finished with the antibiotic. It takes really nasty. I can’t believe that Thanksgiving is a few days away. Before long this year will be over and another year will be bestowed upon us. I can’t believe 2009 is around the corner.

Do you believe is making new years resoulutions?

Christmas is Around the Corner

Its hard to believe Christmas is around the corner. I have not started any Chrsitmas shopping and not looking foward to Christmas shopping. Its very hard to decide what to buy for Christmas gifts when you have a limited budget. I can only hope the stores have lots of great sales. Its hard to buy things for a teenager. I will proably buy some make up for her. I am feeling a little better tonight so that does help me. We had our first flurries today. Nothing stuck so that’s a good thing. I hate to say this, but I can not wait for Spring to return. I love to enjoy my garden in the spring. It nice seeing things bloom and the birds sing.

Another Medication to add to the Mix

A couple of days I went to the doctor I am on an antibiotic.  I hate going to the doctor for medications like I need another medication. So I started my 10 days of taking antibiotic yesterday. I hate medications, but where would we be without them. I will be glad when I am finished with the antibiotic. I have had a really rough week spent a lot of time laying down because of a flare. Its days like this when I really appreciate my lap top computer. I have my feet up which is something I have to do most of the time. Happy Thursday to Everyone.

My Pain is Real

My pain is real

Its as real as I can feel it.

It affects me inside and out.

Each day I have to live with it.

Its so real inside me.

I don’t wish it on anyone

I have learned to live with it.

Day after Day.

Month after month

Year after year.

Its not been by choice.

I did not ask for it.

Sometimes it angers me.

Other times it grounds me.

It makes me appreciate the small things in life.

Other times it makes me sad.

Its something I don’t wish on anyone.

Its hard to explain to someone appreciate what you have.

Not living with it you cannot understand.

The only thing I can say is I miss the life without pain.

Now, those momments of no pain I wonder where it is.

Its crazy to feel this way, but I do.

My pain is real and so is my feelings from it.

Feeling the pain day after day is like a long lesson in life.

Appreciate the small things in life.

A smile brings joy to my heart each day.