The Ins and Out of Womanhood

Having a teenage daughter, I have enlightened her about all obstacles of growing up. We had the typical Mother-Daughter talks about the facts of being a woman. As she’s got older we have a lot of talks about the real world. I have found that some of the talks are easier and some are harder. Trying to explain things without her being scared of the real world has been difficult as she’s a high anxiety teenager. One of the hardest things to explain to her why woman have hair on their legs, but we have to shave them. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy, but that’s one of her biggest concerns. She doesn’t like to have even one hair on her legs. She’s at that age that the smallest things seem like the end of the world. Finally, I told her about getting permanent hair removal when she gets older is an option. I explained that she should check into all her options prior to having any optional procedure done. I did look it up myself and found some good information about it online about it feeling like a small sting on the skin which is good because she doesn’t cope with pain well. That probably goes back to having a Mom who lives with chronic pain. I did explain to her that it would take multiple times to remove all the hair. This seems to give her some piece of mind until the next teenage saga and trust me their will be many more.

My Daughter is having a Birthday

This week is a very exciting week for me. My baby is turning 15. I can’t believe my eyes when I look at her with amazement. Its hard to believe that 15 years have passed since I gave birth to her. She is the best daughter a mother could ask for. She’s endured the ups and downs of me living with lupus. Its been really hard on her I know. I wish that she would not have to see sick day and night at times. Its not easy putting her through it and I’m not the best person at hiding my pain. Sometimes I think she is difficult because she’s scared of what will happen to her Mom. I am just so excited that she will have a Birthday this week. Its an exciting time of the year. My Mom was born a day before my daughter. My Mom was actually mad because she was not born on her Birthday.

Getting Ready for Christmas Holidays

This holiday season I am not going to fight all the traffic at the mall. It’s easier for me to stay and home and order my Christmas shopping online. This year is going to be hard to Christmas shopping because my daughter is at the age where you can’t buy her toys. I miss the times when I could purchase a toy and she would be happy. When she turned 13 I started letting her wear some make up. I gradually let her wear a little more make up. I don’t let her wear too much make up. I think teens should not wear too much make up because they need to show off their natural beauty. Elf is inexpensive make up my daughter wears. It only costs $1.00 per item and its well worth the price. I was surprised how good the quality. You can order it online or I have purchased it at Kmart. I plan on starting my Christmas shopping the day after thanksgiving on Black Friday. I want to make all my Christmas shopping online so I don’t have to fight the traffic in the stores and on the road. It seems like December people are in a bigger hurry. It’s nice that they offer online black Friday especially for someone dealing with the ups and downs of living with lupus and its side dishes. One trip to a store wears me out totally. It can be so discouraging when you love to shop.

Tractors and Teen Anxiety

This morning I woke up to a tractor digging in the yard next door. It was really annoying. I had a rough night last night because my daughter had a wild imagination. So she was up and down last night. So today I am paying for it. I feel so warn out, but the sad thing is if I went to bed I could not sleep at all. Its crazy how that works. Sleep loss and chronic illness don’t go well together. I hope tonight she won’t start walking the floors again. She’s high anxiety and gets test anxiety and totally upset from the smallest things. I’ve been teaching her to take some deep breaths and ask herself if how she’s reacting is realistic or not. I hope this helps her deal with the anxiety. I have my fingers crossed  it does help.

Learning to be Parent and Teacher

For the past few weeks my daughter has been difficult about practicing her tae kwon do. I’ve had to use the mom/teacher card. I told her I would give her a bad grade if she did not practice. I believe she thought I would just give her the grade. Well she has started to practice this week. And after 4 days of practicing she asked me what her grade will be. I told her 4 days of practice is not enough she needs consistency. Its really tough being a mom, but I’m started to see just how hard being both teacher and mom. By no means to I regret it. Her stress level is better and really its giving me a chance to bond with her closer. That in its self is priceless. I love you My Daughter

Struggling to Find the Postives of Living with Lupus

When I was in school, I despised writing or reading for that matter. Writing has become my release since being sick. I can express my thought and feelings on living with a chronic illness. It also helps me be an active advocate for lupus, chronic pain, and fibromyalgia. Its become an important therapy about living with all these chronic illness. Its been my way of making a positive out of a negative. For years I went through periods of being mad at the world because I was sick. I blamed myself and asked over and over “why me”. Its not been easy because I’m not happy what lupus has done to my life. I have periods of not being able to find simple words. I’ve called people crazy names and on a regular basis I call my daughter a cow. Its related to the stroke I had thanks to lupus. If it was not for lupus I probably wouldn’t have found my love of reading and writing. I read almost anything I can get my hands on. I tell my daughter that wisdom comes from knowledge. She’s yet to find my love of writing or reading. But slowly she’s seeing that reading isn’t that bad after all. I share my words with others to say that life after lupus can have some positives even if you do struggle each and every day from the pain and suffering. I live with the thoughts of I’m not going to be a victim of lupus, but a survivor of living with lupus.

Insomnia and Homeschooling

Well today we had our 2nd day of homeschooling. It turned out to be pretty intreasting. My daughter can be really emotional. She was mad because she got a bad grade. The tears were flying. The mom in me wanted to cave, but I am not being fair to her. So we survived day 2 just to start feeling like yuck. Its not easy getting up early when you have insomnia. I am bound and determined that we will survive.

Daily Dealings with Teenager While Dealing with Lupus

It feels like each day last forever. I have been dealing with issues with my daughter. She’s got ADHD and has a hard time accepting that she’s going to grow up. She wants to stay that little girl. I have to admit many times I feel the same way, but I do want to see her grow up and be sucessful young lady. She has plans to go to college,just not sure what she wants to do. She is a great animal lover. Today she was down on herself real bad, but it changed when she went to tae kwon do. She got 2 strips on her belt which means she needs one more stripe until she can test out for her next belt. She has her ups and downs. Being a teen is difficult enough without all your emotions in an uproar.

Kids whose parents have chronic illness have so much to deal with. I know my daughter gets upset that mom don’t have the energy other parents have. It makes it difficult to deal with each day seeing disappoinment. She loves to run and especially shopping and the singer Avril Lavigne. I try to make up for things with her. I try to stay attune to her emotions but, at times its difficult. When you have a chronic illness our kids often miss out on somethings, but most of use make up with somethings else.

Bachelor Buttons Teach Me Patience

These two flower picture are bachelor buttons, my daughter took them using her hand to show them upclose. They took forever to bloom and at one point I thought about pulling them out because they looked more like grass, then a flower. They remind me a lot like carnations. I guess the long wait was worth it after all. It shows a lot that patience does pay off in many instances. Patience is not something I’m very good at in many ways. Somewhere I read that patience is a virtue- It seems to be so true. Having a child whose got ADHD teaches you patience in many ways, Its something I’m thankful for each day.

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Growing Pains

Seems to me our lives have a mind of there own,It’s a lot like watching a two year old,full of energy. They never seem to know when to stop. They have as much of a mind of their own as life does. I can remember when my daughter was only two years old she loved to control the whole situation. In all honesty she did a real good job at doing it. She was definitely a little fire ball. She could throw a fit well with all of them. Even then she did a real good job at fooling the public and my family. I have to admit I am hard on her, but I think its helped. She’s an honor student working hard each day. She does struggle with reading, but doesn’t everyone struggle with something.

She’s now a teenager, soon to be a freshmen this coming  August. In all honesty it scares the hell out of me. Most parents look forward to there kids getting older. I have mixed emotions about that. Part of me wants her to grow up, part of me wants her to stay at this age. Kids seem to grow up so fast, you know. All I can hope and pray is that she will do well in life. Isn’t that all we can expect?