Chronic Chick Talk

I have found myself doing a lot of soul searching so to speak lately. I don’t know if it’s the New Year or if it’s just that getting older, either way it’s where I am in my life. A few years ago when my health got worse, I thought that my life had ended because of lupus and chronic pain amongst other health issues. I was very angry because I was sick. I had left a really bad situation in my life and looked forward to new things, but I got knocked down by chronic illness. It was not the life I signed up for, but then again what part of my life has been what I signed up for. Little by little, I have learned that really it was my minds way of coping with the many obstacles of living with a chronic illness. I’ve had to learn a lot of coping skills.

So many people that I’ve talked to either have no idea what lupus is or act like they know what it is and really don’t know. I am the kind of person that I would rather you ask me what’s going on, then having someone stare at me and wonder what was wrong with me. Recently, I was with my family at an appointment and there were 3 kids sitting there. One was a little boy about 8 and the 2 girls were about 8 to 10 years old. The kids were with their rather stern Grandmother. From what I observed the kids lived with her. This particular day I was in my wheelchair as it was one of my bad days. The little boy was on the hyper side to me. His Grandmother was constantly on him and one of the little girls like she was a drill sergeant in my opinion. Kids will be kids. The little boy asked me “Why are you in a wheelchair?” I was quick to respond because I had thoughts of Grandma coming unglued at the boy. Rather then get into I have lupus; I explained to the little boy that my legs are weak at times when I walk. His sibling said under her breath “You don’t ask people that kind of thing.” I told the young girl its okay he asked the question. I would rather someone ask me what’s wrong then to stare at me and wonder what was wrong with me. “

It’s brought about a lot of questions in my mind. “Does other people mind if someone asks what’s wrong with them or rather have someone simply stare at them?” I prefer to talk about my illness, rather then someone staring at me like I’ve got the plague, even though I call lupus the plague. I decided a long time ago that I would be open about my struggles to help others understand chronic illness. So it brings me back to where I started about getting honest with myself. I have learned in the last few years that I needed to be honest with myself. I have found that it was easier for me to stay in that depressed mode rather then pull myself up. At the moment I am trying to pull myself up from depression. In 2008 I made some progress in my recovery, but I had to come to the point of accepting I may have to take depression medication. I have a tendency to not do things out fear of being in pain. If you’ve ever been in pain for any length of time you will understand what I mean. So this year I need to learn to pace myself because when I feel good I tend to want to get everything done real quick and then I am down for 2 or more day. So really I can’t win because I want to be “normal”, what ever that may be. So this year I am going to work on pacing myself and not being so afraid of being in pain. If I pace myself maybe I will have more good then bad days. So I leave this post with a couple of questions.

1. “Would you rather someone ask what was wrong with you or would you rather someone stare at you, or would you rather they turn their head?”

2. How did you get honest with yourself and your life chronic illness or not?

As years have gone on my hair has thinned out a lot because of the lupus. I don’t like looking at a lot. It makes me feel old and reminds me of the many things lupus has done to me. It’s even harder that the medications I take everyday have some of the same side effects. I just can not win with the lupus, but this effect is minor compared to the many things lupus can do to your body. I think the thing angers me the most about the lupus is the lack of energy I deal with each day. I have tried to look on the bright side, but sometimes it’s easier said then done. Finding something to help re grow my hair has been difficult. I have gradually lost more of my hair because of the lupus. nioxin is one the medications you can buy to help regrow your hair. I think that anything is worth it to feel better about myself in general. Feeling better about myself is very difficult for me. I am much better then I use to be about myself, so that’s a big step in my dealing with lupus and its side dishes. I just have to find the good things about living with lupus, if their any of them.

Finding my inner peace inside me.
Its something I am searching for.
I have asked myself a lot of  questions about life.
One of the biggest questions is “Why do I have lupus”?
I proably will never have the answer for myself
I have to trust God that Lupus has its purpose.
I have asked this  question millions of time.
Nothing will ever stop me asking why I have lupus.
I have many times  missed my life without lupus.
Its not something that I like admitting to myself.
Sometimes its easier to admit defeat then fight.
I’ve decided myself that I will fight all the things that lupus has done to me.
Lupus won’t win, so I am going to continue to fight back.
So I will stomp on lupus for my life.

One of the hardest things about living with chronic pain is not being able to sleep well. I have struggled with sleeping for a long time. I fall asleep and then I wake up or I can not sleep at all. I am way over due for a new bed. It’s got to the point that we keep turning the bed to get comfortable. It helps for one day and then I am back to not being able to sleep. I go to bed with my heating pad for my many aches and pains a lot. I will be glad when I can afford to buy a new bed. I would really like to buy a bed that has some storage in it. The ottoman beds are really nice for storage because you lift the mattress up to store your things. If I had extra storage I could store my winter clothes in the bed storage during the winter and have extra space in my closet. This would make it so I would have more space in my closet and would not have to cram clothes in the closet, not that I have a lot of clothes. I like a bed that looks nice and is comfortable, but comfort is most important to me. I think I will buy a bed with storage next time I have to purchase a new bed. I really like a bed that’s a medium wood color. I don’t like it when the bed is a really dark color. Right now my bed room furniture is way overdue to be replaced because it got beat up in a move.

New Years is right around the corner and its made me do a lot of thinking. Many people make New Years resolutions that are not realistic. Is it realistic to expect yourself to lose 100 lbs in one year. Usually it isn’t for most people. Why not make a going to lose 5 20 pounds and if you meet that goal say in 6 months you can always make a mid year resolution. This way if you don’t meet your resolution you won’t feel so bummed out. Its important to make your New Years resolution realistic. I have a few “resolutions”.
A few of mine are:
Write a couple a chapters for my book. (something I’ve been trying to do for a while now.) Really I want to write more, but living with this crap I need to be more realistic.
exercise some when I am able.
Learn something new.
Learn techniques to reduce pain level
Learn more about Paint shop pro.  This is the first thing I ever made with this program.

Deciding to get some help with a drug and alcohol problem is a very difficult decision. This time of year it is especially difficult for a lot of people. It seems like this time of year brings out the worse with addictions and depression especially if it’s untreated. Many people decide to wait until after the holidays to go into an Alcohol Rehab Program because they do not want to leave family and friends during the holidays. Going into an Alcohol Rehabilitation Program can be the best gift to your family because they don’t have to see you hurting your self by using alcohol and drugs. They can feel at peace that you are getting some help with you addictions. It’s actually a priceless gift to your family, but most of all yourself. It would be a good way to bring in the New Year with a clean slate. Many people make New Year resolutions to lose weight, and exercise, but you could easily make your new years resolution to stay clean and sober. A lot of Alcohol Rehabs have great programs to help your family be supportive to you or they can direct your family to find meetings such a Alanon or ACOA for people affected by another persons addiction. Just think of it this way that your sobriety is a priceless gift to your family. I wish you many good things in the New Year as you climb up the ladder called life.

I thought that this graphic was really cool so I decided to share it with everyone. Its not meant to disrespect any other celebration for this time of year. I simply that a little funny looking reindeer would bring a few smiles to everyones face. So if its made you smile let me know because we all deserve to have a little humor in our holiday. To those of you in pain and suffering I wish you a comfortable day and night as you celebrate so I’m saying Happy Holidays to Everyone

Hello My Fellow Bloggers,

I am wanting to revamp my site to have its own feel. I downloaded a new theme that is totally blank slate, but I want to add my own back ground for the colors from paper I created and my own header, but I don’t know how to do it. If someone could help me or give me a direction of where to go. The theme kit I downloaded is from WP Themer kit. I just want my own theme that no one has. If anyone has some in-site on how to add my own background and header I would appreciate it.

Happy Bloging